10 truths to avoid a moral fall

In my ministry journey, I experienced the devastation of a moral fall, twice. Two out of the three pastors I served under fell into sin, had adulterous relationships, and left their ministries.
​     Having served closely with these men taught me two important truths. First, a moral fall does not happen in one tragic event. It is typically a gradual decline marked by a series of subtle—yet significant compromises. It is death by a thousand cuts.  Second, every leader is vulnerable to a moral fall. This means all leaders—including you and me—need to be on guard. Determined vigilance is essential. No one drifts toward a life of faithful service; no one maintains victory by accident. Leaders who avoid moral falls are intentional. They are deliberate about personal safeguards and professional standards that keep them safe.
     King Solomon, a man who knew well the consequences of a moral fall, left us this warning: “His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin” (Proverbs 5:22). In other words, it is the traps we set for ourselves that ruin us. The devil is not to blame for a fall, it is our own lack of ethics and low personal standards that facilitate our demise.
     The following are ten truths that can help any leader avoid these traps. These are attitudes and personal protections, that if implemented, can position us for years and years of honorable, ethical, life-giving ministry.
 
1. Walk with Humility
     No person enters ministry expecting to fall. Most ambitious young leaders tell themselves, “It won’t happen to me. I could never fall like ‘that guy.’” But sadly, it happens too frequently. Men and women who begin with powerful gifts and great dreams can end in a twisted heap of betrayal and disgrace—their families, ministries, and all they have done for Christ, in shambles.
     The potential for failure is in all of us. None is exempt. You may not feel vulnerable now, but seasons will come that bring unexpected vulnerability. Times of stress and burn out, hidden roots of anger and resentment, feelings of offense, frustration and fear, disappointment in marriage, and detachment from family—these are the cycles of life and ministry that often provoke the flesh toward some immediate gratification and destructive patterns.
     It is the leader who understands his or her own weakness that finds strength in Christ and remains vigilant. James 4:6 tells us that “God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.” To deny one’s vulnerability is to deny the wisdom God offers to the humble, and the power He provides to the weak. We overcome, not by human will and determination, but through the indwelling Spirit who always causes us to triumph through the grace of God.
 
2. Beware of Blind Spots
     The anointing is a dangerous thing. Many have been deceived by the very unction that empowered them to lead. Such was the case with Samson. He was a man anointed with great strength. But he was deceived by that anointing.
     Samson had reckless standards: he saw what he should not have seen, he went where he should not have gone, he did what he should not have done with people he should not have known. His own carelessness facilitated his fall.
     The worst part is imagining how Samson must have justified his sin. Scripture describes how he spent the night with a harlot, but at midnight went out and ripped up the gates of the city. He would lay down with heathen women and rise up to defeat the Philistines. He would spend hours in Delilah’s chamber but demonstrated his strength to break the ropes around his wrists. After each sin, Samson proved that he was still anointed. He still had his strength, he still had his power, his calling was still secure—or so he thought. The anointing on his life became a blind spot. It deceived him into thinking that sin had not impaired his standing with God.
     It is the “Samson Syndrome” and so many ensnared by it today. Many leaders are making moral compromises but convincing themselves all is well because they still have God’s power and presence. They say, “I still feel God’s presence in worship. I still preach the Word with unction. I still have his anointing when I pray for the sick. God is with me; this sin isn’t affecting me.” But what they cannot see is how the Holy Spirit is being grieved. Eventually, He will be quenched and regretfully, if compromise continues, His anointing will depart, and the downfall will come. The anointing is a precious blessing, but it can be dangerous and deadly when it causes blind spots in our character.
 
3. Value Character over Success
     The old axiom is true: charisma may take man to top, but only character will keep him there. Character is like the foundation of a building. If it is not strong, deep, and firmly fixed in place, the man’s life and all he has built will eventually fall. It does not matter how anointed he is, how attractive his ministry or powerful his gifts, without character, all threatens to collapse. Jesus made this point in Matthew 7:24-27 when stating that the only way to stand firm against the storms of life is by building one’s house upon a rock. The winds blow and the rains will come; without a foundation, the house will fall.
     Similarly, leadership will bring tempests that will destroy the man or woman whose character has not been prepared for it. With advancement and promotion in the Kingdom of God come fiercer storms, harsher temptations, and greater attacks. With higher levels come higher devils. Sadly, too many have been promoted before their character was enlarged to support that promotion and as a result, they became top heavy like a tower on an unsturdy foundation and eventually fell.
     Unfortunately, success has made failures of many men. Too many leaders—some very public and renowned—have allowed their leadership gifting to propel them further than their character could support them. It is a scenario repeated too many times: leaders of large ministries, with impressive titles and great anointings, who fell because their integrity did not keep pace with the momentum of their giftedness. Martin Lloyd Jones said, “The worst thing that can happen to a man is for him to succeed before he ready.”
     Rather than praying for bigger success, more anointing and greater resources, leaders should pray for deeper character. Our prayer should be, “Lord, do not allow me to be promoted beyond what my character can support. Prevent me from enlargement beyond what my integrity can sustain. Stop promotion if I am not ready for it. Cancel opportunities if those opportunities will bring pressure I’m not ready to bear.” This is how Solomon prayed on the eve of his enlargement and it provoked the Lord to bless him.
 
4. Create a Culture of Accountability
     Any leader who lacks accountability lacks credibility. Character is essential, but it is not enough. David had character; he was a man after God’s own heart. Yet David committed two tragic sins in the numbering of Israel and the scandal with Bathsheba and Uriah. Being king, he answered to no one, and because no one held him accountable, he fell easily into sin. David became a victim of his own autonomy.
     It is the David Dilemma: autonomy without accountability brings a downfall. Every leader, regardless of strong character, who has no checks on his or her power will use that power in unhealthy ways. Leadership without accountability is leadership without credibility.
     Accountability means one is answerable to another who has the right to question him or her. But let’s be clear: accountability is not a cordial relationship that a leader can turn on and off at his own whim. It is not merely a few friends gathering for coffee and asking one or two questions about internet activity. True accountability is systemic. It is required. It is built into the structure of the organization that the leader leads. It is part of the organizational DNA and demands the participation and submission of the leader on a regular, formal basis. True accountability cannot be avoided, put off, delayed, or shut down.
     This is not a matter of “What people do you surround yourself with?”, this is a matter of “What people are you required to report to?” Who has the right to examine your personal standards? Who can challenge your leadership decisions and question your behavior? In credible organizations, healthy leaders make accountability a predominate feature of the culture. It exists because they have cultivated a freedom in which team members can question, challenge, and speak the truth, even when it hurts. Any organization or leadership model that does not have systems of accountability in place is a train heading for a crash.
 
5. Be Very Careful with the Opposite Sex
     First, avoid being alone with the opposite sex. This means driving in a car, having a meeting, sharing a lunch, holding a counseling session—it may seem innocent to you, but it has the potential of sending the wrong signal. It says, “I’m interested in you, I don’t mind being alone with you,” or even worse, “I enjoy being alone with you.”
     If you must meet with the opposite sex, do not meet in a place where you are alone. Always try to meet with others present in the room. If that is not possible or practical, then always leave the door open or at least ajar. This sends the message, “We are not really alone,” or “I am uncomfortable being alone with you,” or more importantly, “I don’t want to be alone with you.”
     Second, avoid acts of indiscretion. An indiscretion is an act of bad judgment. It is putting yourself in a circumstance that can tempt you to sin or imply that you are interested in sin. This includes avoiding unnecessary physical contact with the opposite sex, avoiding discussions of inappropriate nature with the opposite sex, avoiding special affection, infatuation, and fantasies about the opposite sex. It also means avoiding texting, messaging, and personal social media interactions with the opposite sex. Never send a message that you would not want your spouse, or your accountability team, to see.
     Third, avoid emotional connections with the opposite sex. Such connections occur when one feels more emotionally connected to someone other than one’s own spouse—and his or her emotional needs are being met by someone outside of the marriage. If you want to be around another man or woman, talk to that person, share personal things with that person more than you do with your own spouse, you have developed an unhealthy emotional connection. If you look forward to seeing some sister in the church or can’t wait to be with some brother, talk to him or her, share something personal with him or her, you are potentially committing emotional adultery. Do you think about another person, obsess over them, or daydream about being with them? Do you anticipate seeing them, do you look for them in church or arrange your schedule to see them—if so, you are an emotional adulterer.
     If you are in such a relationship, end it immediately! Stop talking to that person. Stop visiting that person. Resolve to never call that man or woman again. Erase her number from your cell phone and if you happen to be in the same ministry as her, quit it immediately. If you are a pastor and that person is in your church, you need to break that relationship immediately. Keep your greetings curt and avoid any interaction that provokes intimacy between you. Do not worry if he or she gets offended and leaves the church. For your sake, the sake of your family, the sake of the church, and for that person’s sake, leaving the church is the best thing that could happen.
 
6. Counsel with Caution
     Many moral failures in ministry occur in the context of pastoral counseling. While counseling may be a necessary part of one’s ministry, we must be careful not to counsel the opposite sex in a way that promotes an unhealthy emotional dependency.
     There are many people attending churches today who have deep emotional wounds. As pastors, we are called to love these suffering souls with empathy and understanding. As a result, an unhealthy attachment can develop. A hurting sister can easily develop an emotional bond to male pastor whom she sees as her source of encouragement and affirmation. That bond can grow into a dependency, and if that pastor is not careful, he may become the surrogate partner she has always longed for.
     If that is not bad enough, this dependence can affect the pastor as well. It becomes very gratifying for a leader to know that he is so important, so needed, and such a powerful force in someone’s life. In fact, many pastors, who themselves are emotionally wounded and insecure, need to be needed. They need to know they are admired, respected, and appreciated. And it is especially gratifying when the one appreciating that pastor is a younger, attractive member of the opposite sex.
     Be incredibly careful with the opposite sex. Remember the wisdom of Paul who told Pastor Titus to let the older women admonish the younger women; perhaps he knew well the temptations that could occur in the context of pastoral counseling. This is why it is wise to include your spouse when counseling the opposite sex. If that is not possible, refer that man or woman to an elder or leader in the church who is of the same gender. Many times, it is better to refer that individual to a professional counselor and avoid the issue altogether.
 
7. Never Underestimate the Devastation
     There is perhaps nothing as tragic as when a spiritual leader falls publicly in sin. The damage to his or her personal life, the ruin it brings to the marriage and family, the destruction to the church, to the ministry, and the reproach upon the testimony of Christ are incalculable. One need only to look at the example of King David and how he, his partner, his unborn child, his family for generations to come, and the nation of Israel was devastated by his failure.
     Some time ago, I was visiting the neighborhood where my first pastor had repeated moral falls. While I was walking down the street, a man’s voice called out to me: “Have you heard anything from that rascal lately?” I turned quickly and recognized the husband of a women with whom this pastor had fallen into sin. He now lived on that street and still, almost twenty years later, was carrying the pain and the bitterness of what “his pastor” had done to him, his wife, and their family.
     The devil targets spiritual leaders because he knows the havoc and wreckage their fall will bring. It is a devastation that spiritual darkness can leverage for years and years—even decades to come. Disappointment turns to anger and anger to bitterness. Christian people cast off their faith. Subordinate leaders and staff are embarrassed and ashamed. Souls are lost to eternity. Resources are removed from circulation. Rumors defile good reputations. The gospel is thwarted and mocked by the world. Churches close, missionaries lose support, young leaders are ruined, joy filled memories of victory and gladness are ruined and stained by betrayal and pain. The damage is immeasurable; the loss is eternal.
     May every leader carry the image of his wife, his children, his church, his community, and his Lord in the forefront of his mind and count cost too great to bring such reproach upon it all.
 
8. Prioritize Your Spiritual Health
     If you neglect your spiritual health, you will never make it. Period. You can fake it for a while, you can put on a good show, but eventually you will lose your strength, your motivation, your inspiration, and your desire to continue at all. You will burn out.
     The work to which we are called cannot be done through human ability, nor can the temptations, pressures and attacks that come with it be overcome through natural means. It requires divine spiritual power—the kind of power that comes through a vibrant, abiding relationship with the indwelling Person of Holy Spirit. Trying to stand firm and resist a moral fall without daily empowerment of the Spirit is futile; it is like trying to wrestle an opponent without oxygen. It will drain you, discourage you, depress you and destroy you. It is that simple.
     You can go to counselors, you can have a life coach, you can listen to motivational videos but none of that will do you any good apart from feeding yourself spiritually. I am amazed by the amount of people who are desperate for encouragement, struggling to overcome temptation, and battling depression. When I ask them, “How is your prayer life? How is your time in the Word? What scriptures are you meditating on?” they look at me with an incredulous glare, as though I’m judging them or being insensitive. On the contrary, these are the essentials; without them, there is no victory.
     The key to overcoming the snares of the flesh is feeding the spirit. If you are a spiritual leader, a pastor, a church leader, you must have time in prayer, Bible reading, and scripture memorization every day. It is not an option; it is an essential. Without these, you will be subject to every inclination of the flesh, every stronghold of the mind, and every lie of the devil.
 
9. Invest in Your Marriage.
      When a leader falls publicly, it is usually because he has already fallen privately. He failed at home. His marriage is a mess, and his children are strangers to him. It is a great tragedy for a man or woman to win the world to Christ but lose his family to the devil.
     The number one, most important relationship a leader has on this earth is the relationship he has with his wife—or she has with her husband. God gave you that partner to stand with you, to fight alongside of you, to encourage and inspire you. When you invest in your family, you are investing in yourself. If you neglect your family, you are diminishing yourself.
     When I counsel couples who are struggling, there is usually one issue they all have in common:  a failure to communicate. At some point in the relationship they stopped spending meaningful time together and lost the ability to connect through communication. As a result, they don’t understand each other, they are easily offended by one another and begin to resent the relationship altogether. This is fertile ground for temptation and the enemy will always use it to his advantage.
     Communication is essential. Quality time together is non-negotiable. It is how we maintain relationship. If you are feeling distant and disconnected from your spouse, the way back is to communicate. It is not that complicated. You will have to make time to talk and share, to listen and hear one another. You will need to be intentional and deliberate. Plan a date night. Sit by the fire. Turn the TV off. Close the laptop. Do something meaningful together. Remove the distractions and reconnect. Invest in your marriage and stay connected. Failure to do this is setting a trap for destruction.
 
10. Integrity will keep you secure
     Proverbs 10:9 tells us, “He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will become known.” It means a person of integrity is safe and secure. He or she is not vulnerable to scandal or moral fall because their integrity has provided them with safe pathways through life. Their life is marked by principles and practices—safeguards and standards that enable them to avoid the traps and snares that have brought ruin to so many.
     By contrast, Proverbs 11:3 says, “The perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.” In other words, those who compromise their integrity will be destroyed by their own foolishness. Their own poor judgment and a lack of discretion makes them vulnerable to failure.
     Pastors are called to shepherd and lead in a world full of temptations and snares. This is a hostile environment where the lion roars and his fiery darts are flung. The leader’s integrity, his or her commitment to walk with safeguards and lead with principles will empower them to finish their race and obtain that crown of righteousness. Those who fail to guard themselves, who put little value on strategic safeguards, will remain unprotected and vulnerable, to be numbered among the ranks of the fallen. May we be leaders of integrity who walk securely through paths of righteousness.