THE WISDOM OF ABIGAIL: A MODEL FOR GOOD PEOPLE SKILLS PEOPLE SKILL #4: SEASONING YOUR WORD

Great communicators don’t accuse and condemn. There will always be misunderstandings, offenses, and difficult confrontations that we must navigate in life. People who can do so in a way that restores relationships rather than driving people away will always excel. It’s important to be right, but it’s better to be right without offending the people around you and isolating yourself.

Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” When you perceive that a person is in the wrong, the best way to approach it is not with a condemnation. Instead, remember that you may have misunderstood the person or misinterpreted their position. Therefore, approach the conversation with a humble and meek spirit. Say to them, “Help me understand something,” or, “There’s something I’m not clear about.” And then go on to state what you perceive as the person’s position. In situations where you’re confronting behavior that you know the person is guilty of, rather than accusing them of trying to hurt you or be negligent, use the approach: “When you do that, it makes me feel like you…,” or “Whenever you say that, I have the perception that you…,” and then state how you feel.

Remember that whenever you accuse or condemn someone, they will always go on the defensive. This escalates the exchange and causes friction to turn into firestorms. People who can deescalate and speak calmly and with control are perceived as calm and controlled people who seek excellence and professionalism. Be that kind of a person and you’ll go to the next level.

For more information on great people skills, check out my latest book, UPWARD: Taking Your Life to the Next Level now available on Amazon.

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